Novice Submissives Start Here: five Myths About Submissives and Submission

Whether you’re brand new to this thing we call BDSM (especially Dominance and submission) or you’ve been around a while, no doubt you’ve heard a few things that make you go, “Hmmmm? Really?”

Today, let’s talk about the different myths surrounding submissives and submission. Some may surprise you.

Myth 1: Submissives are weak.

Take it from the woman who was a single mother with zero child support, and still made a career for herself before meeting my Daddy Dom, most submissives are anything but weak. Be it in our vanilla lives with jobs and kids to raise or sick parents to help or in our kinky lives with our ability to allow someone else to lead, control, and command, we are many things, but rarely is one considered “weak.”

Myth 2: Submissives don’t want responsibility. They want someone to take care of them.

Does this happen? Are there relationships built around submissives who want to be told what to do and never think for themselves? Yes, absolutely. Is that the norm? I don’t think so. Submissives take on plenty of responsibility – and we accept the responsibilities given to us from our Dominants.

We are responsible for:

  • keeping our home clean
  • cooking meals
  • running errands
  • remembering all of our Dominants likes and dislikes
  • anticipating their needs
  • doing every task they give us without being reminded
  • and about a million other things.

Quite frankly, I work harder on a day-to-day basis as a submissive than I ever did in my vanilla marriage. Of course, the rewards are much higher, so it’s worth it, but submissives take on plenty of responsibility.


Myth 3: To be submissive, you have to be a masochist.

Wrong, wrong, so freaking wrong. Some submissives are masochists and enjoy pain, while others aren’t but will do things to please their Dominants. But if you genuinely do not enjoy pain and don’t want to deal with it even for the sake of a Dominant’s pleasure, that’s okay. You’re still submissive, and in case you wondered, there are plenty of Dominants out in the world who aren’t sadistic, either.


Myth 4: Submissives shouldn’t have their own opinions.

What?! Are you kidding me? If I don’t have my own opinion, how will my Dominant know what I like or don’t like? How will he know if what he’s doing to me feels good or doesn’t or if it’s something we should try again? Of course, submissives have opinions, and yes, we are allowed to share them. The difference is that how we share our ideas may be dictated by our D/s relationship – maybe we have a specific time of day, perhaps we keep a journal, maybe we have the freedom to say what we need to say as long as we’re respectful. But we most definitely have opinions and should have the ability to share them.

Myth 5: All submission is sexual.

False! Yes, many of us enter D/s relationships with a Dominant, and we marry them or live with them, and there’s a sexual nature to our relationship. Many of the kinks that make me feel most submissive are sexual. But not all D/s relationships are sexual, and not all submissive acts are sexual. When I make my Daddy Dom’s coffee in the morning, I promise you; it’s not a turn on. It’s one of those things I do to please him and because he wants me to do it, but I’m not experiencing sexual pleasure from the act. Instead, for me, it’s the satisfaction of knowing I’m taking care of him and serving him – and a feeling of impatience because I want to make my cup of coffee, too.


The next time you hear something that doesn’t sound right about D/s, especially submission, or you start wondering if you’re weird or not doing submission right, remember that a lot of what people assert as “real” or “true” submission is just a myth.

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